Stolen from http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/cats/
Panic. Geeez. Calm down.
I try not to be too on topic here, rather, I kind of live in the meta-ness of blogging. I imagine it is frustrating for some reading this and wondering what I am getting on about, but I can’t imagine much of anyone reads this (don’t you love self deprecating humor?) so regardless..
Panic. Today.
Just.. stuff. I have this house. I wish I didn’t sometimes. It is highly exciting to have my own house. I can drill holes here and there. Why yes, that is a motorcycle parking spot. Whatever. But… not here. It is becoming too expensive to be here these days. My main client is waffling on me, but they have been since July of last year, so it is not really a surprise. Just me trying to cope with the situation. I am honestly going to be in the lab for the next month. Tired of computers and networking and applications and configuring back ends. I’ve been doing it for so long, I feel.. I mean, honestly, only 10 years, but still. I have some lab projects to do, which would make money, I just need to MOTIVATE and do them…
Rambling, I know, so here is a merciful more link for those of you who don’t care, haha..
I really want to get back to my ‘roots’, I want to do electronics. Somewhere in high school I found that calling. OK that is a lie, I found that calling in grade school. I remember that odd smell of overheated batteries and wires under the blanket fort at my Grandma’s, that first time I tore apart something electronic to see how it went, that first time I pieced together a concept on my own. I knew Ohm’s law before I knew algebra. I also could program in BASIC, but that is besides the point…
My first memory of my friend Mike Scott was my science fair project in the third grade. It took me several years to ‘get’ that the science fair meant the ‘scientific method’ and not, ‘build something you find frickin’ cool’. So, this year, my project was a complicated series of batteries, switches, and light bulbs. I’m sure I was demonstrating something akin to an OR and a AND gate, but I didn’t know that… ‘look you flip the switch and the light comes on’. Youthful ambition standing by the display, smiling into space, waiting to be judged, when this guy comes up to me. He was just in the first grade at the time, but we bonded instantly… “Hey man, can you make a BOMB with that?”… “Uh, yeah, I guess!”. Friends ever since.
Anyway, there is a carrot out there for me right now. A friend of mine co-owns a laser company that is growing, and they need a guy that can do microcontrollers. I want to be that guy. But.. I also have this thing going on now, ya know? If not Snurkle Engineering, there is Wireless Watermelon, which I am very hopeful will take off. But… we are making $90 a month right now, with about a $30 a month outlay. That won’t pay bills. But it is cash positive. Bah. I’m scared all over again, scared about a mortgage of all things. I just wish I wasn’t, I wish I was solvent, I wish that I could just nurture this thing and let it grow, not desperately twist the stick trying to get it to light on fire, ya know? I just want to make things happen my way… I never fit into the normal, why should I now?
So, I don’t know. Complication. I’m -surviving- now, but I think I am the only one on earth that knows how close that is scraping by. Well, now you know, but keep it under your hat. I need more time, I need more money.
I hate money, or rather, the lack thereof. I will -not- work just for a paycheck, I’m sorry. I have to happy about it, I have to be enjoying it. But maybe that doesn’t cut it, I don’t know. I’m willing to risk it all to find out though, if I have to slave under The Man’s jackboot, I might as well do it without anything, right?
Lately I have just wanted an unending series of vacations, to get away from my reality. I just need to face it head on, make it fly… somehow. Bah, ya know?
Anyway, still debating moving to Albuquerque. I think I can save a couple hundred bucks a month, renting out my place in LA. If I can rent it out. I hope I can. Anyone have a garage where I can store most of a house worth of crap for a while? Haha.. The reality looms near. Am I man enough to walk into it boldly? I don’t plan on backing down now. Here’s to sweet taste of success, tempered with the bitter edging of defeat.
~some postman, is grooving, to all our love letters, some postman, is gonna cry…~
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